I find so much of my life in songs. So much. In the past I had the ability to write lyrics; I could create words on paper to match my inside. I have lost this art, maybe forever; it has been almost ten years since I have written a full song. For now, I am scouring the universe and my iTunes for stanzas and choruses and bridges that click, that open the door and shine light into the dark places. This light is especially vital in times when I feel as if I’m blindfolded and stumbling through situations; I am struggling to sort out how I feel, what I want, and what’s really happening in my life. As of late, these have been my flashlight discoveries.
This is the starting of a brand new day
I never liked this town much anyway
I need this city like I need the rain
I know that somewhere there’s a north bound train
Oh I’ll make it without you
And though my bodies laying here
It’s my mouth that must be lying now
This is the starting of my fall from grace
My self esteem, it’s seen better days
But you know I’ll never let this go to waste
I’ll keep this memory on the map I trace
Back to home
-“Make It without You” Andrew Belle
I've got another confession my friend
I'm no fool
I'm getting tired of starting again
Somewhere new
Were you born to resist or be abused?
I swear I'll never give in
I refuse
Is someone getting the best, the best, the best, the best of you?
Is someone getting the best, the best, the best, the best of you?
Has someone taken your faith?
Its real, the pain you feel
You trust, you must
Confess
Is someone getting the best, the best, the best, the best of you?
Oh...
-“Best of You” Foo Fighters
Change came in disguise of revelation, set his soul on fire
She said she always knew he'd come around
And the decades disappear
Like sinking ships but we persevere
God gives us hope but we still fear, we don't know
Your mind is poisoned
Castles in the sky, sit stranded, vandalized
The drawbridge is closing
-“Dustland Fairytale” Killers
I've got this energy beneath my feet
Like something underground's gonna come up and carry me
I've got this sentimental heart that beats
But I don't really mind that it's starting to get to me now
Why do you waste my time?
Is the answer to the question on your mind
And I'm sick of all my judges
So scared of what they'll find
But I know that I can make it
As long as somebody takes me home every now and then
-“Sam’s Town” Killers
It feels like everyday stays the same
It's dragging me down and I can't pull away
So here I go again
Chasing you down again
Why do I do this?
Over and over, over and over
I fall for you
Over and over, over and over
I try not to
Over and over, over and over
You make me fall for you
Over and over, over and over
You don't even try
-“Over and Over” Three Days Grace
As I look over the lyrics, they shine light into me. I am ready to move back home to Birmingham. I am done with Atlanta, I was done with Atlanta before Christmas. My heart faces westbound, ready and waiting. I am also hoping, wishing, praying that certain unspoken and undetermined parts of my life resolve themselves well and soon. At this time I have spoken of them so much and so often to so many people that I am simply tired of analyzing it and ready for an opportunity to act instead of analyze. In counseling, half one’s time is spent with the client and the other half is spent making notes, doing research, and conceptualizing the client’s situation. I have spent way more, way more than fifty percent of the time analyzing every part of my life at the moment. I am ready to go. I am ready.
