AWP Numero Tres

Lesson #7: Who's designing bridesmaid dresses these days?  Hannah Montana?

I have recently entertained the thought that picking out bridesmaid dresses will be more difficult than picking out the actual wedding dress.  And not without reason.  What in the world is *this*?

Or *this*?

Why is it so hard to find bridesmaid dresses that have sleeves?  Are we assuming that all bridesmaids are now 17 years old and a size 2?  My bridesmaids are women, not girls and not sorority sisters that traipse around in cotton minis and Ugg boots.  I wouldn't wear these shiny pastel strapless frocks.  Give me *this* for less than $150.

Specifically second from the right.  A woman's dress.  A dress with structure and character, a dress to wear to church, work, a date, another wedding.  A dress that says summer, semi-casual and fits all body shapes.  I was told recently of a bride who picked out dresses from a particular store (starts with "J" and ends with "Crew") that didn't make dresses over a particular size, a size that disqualified one of her bridesmaids.  I am very familiar with both the bride and bridesmaid, who have been friends for well over 10 years.  I was appalled that this store doesn't make above this size, and even more appalled that the bride gave little thought to her friend of a decade when picking out dresses.  I would like to avoid this and other such pitfalls when making my best friends buy and wear dresses in pictures that will hang on my wall for 50 years.

Lesson #8: Slow and steady wins the race

My darling fiancee has been confused as of late.  He's been baffled at my "hit the ground running" approach to wedding planning.  When I first starting writing this, it had been exactly 33 days since the proposal , and we have already secured a ceremony site, reception site, and a photographer.  Early this month, I got *the dress*.  I have a wedding planning notebook with divided sections and lots of graph paper with lots and lots of lists.  Maybe the lots and lots of lists are a little overboard, but there's a reason behind the madness.  I attended a wedding recently in which my roommate was a bridesmaid and best friend to the bride, and the wedding planning was total chaos.  There were so many small details to which she hadn't attended that the day before the wedding was madness.  I really want to enjoy my wedding, to enjoy the showers and RSVP's and building excitement without worrying that the programs haven't been printed until the day of the wedding (no kidding).  For now, six months before the wedding, I am at a lull in planning.  I'd much rather be in the lull than in a panic two weeks before.

Lesson #9: Sometimes I can actually get tired of wedding planning
Part of the reason I hit the planning so hard to begin with was that I was so excited.  I couldn't wait to play with paper and dresses and all such, so I went ahead and did it.  I am so glad that I did, because a couple weeks ago I hit a wall and wanted nothing to do with my lists and notebook.  I still don't want much to do with such.  At the moment I am much more concerned with other "things" to do and be done besides wedding planning, so much so, that I actually started this post, oh, a month ago and have just now gotten around to finishing it.  More posts to come about what sneaky somethings have been occurring at Windchase.

AWP Episode 2

Another several days and another round of lessons.

Lesson #4: "I" don't want to plan "my" wedding; "I" want "us" to plan "our" wedding

By virtue of being raised in the South, getting married has always been in the cards and led to many a hour daydreaming of precisely how it would all go down.  I have seen several brides plan their weddings without much a contribution of the groom.  Given, some men don't have opinions about the wedding, which is fine.  My groom has requested only that there be no cocktail wieners at the reception ("They just don't say 'wedding'.") and his sister be a bridesmaid.  Since he has asked so little and been so accommodating to my requests, I have made a commitment to grant each of his.  In the same breath, however, I don't want to spend the next 7 months and 5 days agonizing over exactly how I want my wedding to be.  We chose to pick out the ring together, we picked the honeymoon together, and we'll do the wedding together.  While I know he won't make the 49th trip to Hobby Lobby with me, he will browse through photographers websites, look at dresses online, and sign his name patiently and carefully (so that people can, oh, I don't know, read it) to the save-the-date cards.  The trips to Hobby Lobby can be reserved for the Bestie and the Roomie, as long as he's there to watch me cut out 60 pieces of purple cardstock afterwards.

Lesson #5: Cost is inversely proportional to time

I decided long ago I wanted to make my own invitations.  I am incredibly picky about paper products and don't want to pay a lot of money for something I could have done better myself.  However.  This also means I have already spent several hours picking out cardstock,  researching envelopes, and cutting out cardstock to attach to the back of pictures for save-the-dates.  For the most part I don't mind doing these things- I love craft projects and wedding planning is a perfect excuse to play at Hobby Lobby.  It's just an interesting fact of life, and I will continue to purchase my cardstock and spend every afternoon cutting, glueing, painting, and researching envelopes.

Lesson #6: I'm still in shock

I'm not sure how other brides-to-be feel after receiving the ring, but I have officially diagnosed myself with a state of shock.  I am still as distracted as a 9-year-old boy with 14 Mountain Dews while trying to accomplish anything requiring my hands palms-down; my dear Amy has caught me looking at it while trying to do things around the house.  ("Yes, Heather, it's shiny."  Gentle tones, as always.)  We became engagement 19 days ago, and words like "fiancee", "bride", "groom", "married", "husband", "wife", etc. confuse my conscious.  I'm down with "wedding", now- that one I understand.  But to call Bobby my "fiancee" feels a little snotty and attention-seeking, as if the use of that word compels people to ask when the "date" is.  That word is especially strange since we both agreed long ago that "boy/girlfriend" weren't appropriate labels enough for how we felt.  Speaking of Bobby as my "husband" sounds so old to me, as if on August 14th I'll suddenly be transported to slowing metabolism and retirement accounts.  To me, it also sometimes sounds like all the joy and excitement is gone, like those couples I fear who tolerate and ignore each other, numb and fabric-worn from the years of anniversaries and coffee and "what do you want for dinner tonight?"'s.  It appears and is quite fair to say I'm afraid of being numb and fabric-worn; I don't want the heart-racing every moment of the day, but at the end of our lives together I want to say that all my years I loved him more than I did the day he became my "husband".  I'm sure the further I get into AWP, these words and planner schedules and shoe comparisons will ease me into the water.  For now I'll just hold my left hand out and drift off for the rest of my lunch break.

Adventures in Wedding Planning

Let's start this like a cheesy romance novel: December 23rd my life changed forever...

Well, it started with my left hand ring-finger changing forever, but that also entails some life changes. He liked it so he went and put a ring on it, and after all the well-wishes, facebook comments, and gasps of delight, before us looms...
(cue dramatic minor chord)
Wedding Planning.
I would be lying through my smiling teeth if I said I have just now started wedding planning- the best friend and I pulled out the wedding magazines in September and I picked the venue in October. But now the real Planning begins, and I thought my dear abandoned blog would be a good place to make note of all the little things I'm learning about wedding planning, my life, and our future life together along the way.

Lesson #1: Guests have opinions
As soon as I threw out my sparkly, sparkly finger out to the world, people have been giving me their opinions and demands for my wedding and married life. I have already had two people threaten to not attend my wedding because we have chosen not to serve alcohol, one friend aghast that I won't be serving white wedding cake, and my highly inappropriate mother instruct my fiancee to "throw out her birth control" (direct quote). It's not so much that I'm irritated by these opinions (except for the birth control comment, that was insane) but fascinated by the indiscretionary way in which they were thrown at me 7 minutes after announcing my engagement. Our wedding will be a wedding, not a frat party; I want strawberry, not white; and when we choose to bring forth fruit from my womb is a personal decision, not a democratic reproduction. I've been told this is common, but I'm still fascinated.

Lesson #2: Males have the best ring comments
My 13-year-old cousin: "Heather got a rock!"
My grandfather: "Whoa!"
My uncle: "Holy cow, let me see that."
My fiancee's brother: "Man, that's nice." (Add +5 ranking to all compliments from this guy; they are few and far between.)
My friend: "Heather, I believe you have something to show me." (looks at ring) "What color rating is that?" /drop jaw
However, winning reaction goes to 14-year-old sister: Me- "Guess what I did last night?" Jody- "What?" Me- "Got engaged" /fling left hand out. Jody- /gasp mightily and fling backwards against passenger side door, as if ring sent shock waves through the car

Lesson #3: Wedding Planning = Decision-Making + Organization
Fortunately, I am a fairly decisive person. I know what I want when I see it, dinner choices notwithstanding (I can't pick a restaurant to save my life). I knew the ring was It after seeing 25+ others. I can't imagine having to chose: a ceremony venue, a reception venue, a photographer, a dress, a catering menu, wedding favors, my shoes, my hairstyle, my makeup, bridesmaid dresses, flowers, ceremony time, flower girl, bridesmaids, groomsmen, wedding cake design, wedding cake flavor, grooms cake design, grooms cake flavor, invitation list, invitation color, invitation envelopes, save-the-date designs, calligraphy pens, and 1567 other items without having a very good sense of self, knowledge of my style, knowledge of what my fiancee wants, and a prioritized list of what is needed/wanted/not necessary. The list of decision are absolutely overwhelming, and I am happy to report we have made decisions about the ceremony site, date, attendants, color scheme, officiant, wedding cake design and flavor, baker for cakes, and a desperate *need* for some flower/feather/sparkly decoration for the side of my head.

More lessons to come- stay tuned.

Football Justice

My current facebook status is: Dear Roger Goodell- I know it's the middle of your football season, but if you could make a call to the NCAA about their priority level of player misconduct, I'd really appreciate it. See Lamichael James (assault against girlfriend) and Justin Blackman (DUI). Thanks. Love, Heather P.S. RTR.

Here's what won't fit in my facebook status.

I am neither an Auburn fan nor am I an Auburn hater. I am an Alabama fan because I am my father's child and the glory days of Bear Bryant run through my veins. I am not an Auburn fan because, being Alabama born and bred, I must pick one or the other, and therefore I wear red on Saturdays. While I have no over and abounding love for Auburn, I also have no hate. Auburn University has given my father a job and my best friend a scholarship to pursue her dream of becoming an aeronautical engineer and saved the life of one of the best dogs I have ever known.

Having made my loyalties known, the allegations surrounding Cam Newton are, at best, heresay. At this point and time I believe all this to be the work of bottom-feeding journalists, looking out for themselves, their reputation, and their jobs over the ability of a child to play football because it makes him happy and gives him opportunities that he may not otherwise have. I place most journalists on the same evolution level as defense attorneys and car mechanics, just slightly above Biblical tax collectors. However, if these allegations prove to be true and his eligibility to play at Auburn is under question under the current rules of the NCAA, then I am for consequences. I believe that the boys of fall are boys still and must learn that there are consequences for their actions. Unfortunately these normal adolescent mishaps are in the spotlight unknown to most 20 year old young men, but it is the price they pay for having 6 year old boys wear their number.

That being said, the punishment should fit the crime and if the NCAA stays consistent, Cam Newton should write a letter of apology in the locker room before the Iron Bowl. I am horrified at how the NCAA has handled the actual completion of crimes against others by current college football players. Lamichael James, a running back for Oregon, was charged and convicted of domestic violence against his ex-girlfriend for grabbing her by the neck and pushing her up against a wall. His punishment was suspension from one game. Justin Blackmon, a receiver for Oklahoma State, was arrested for DUI while driving 92 mph while leaving an NFL game. His punishment was also a one game suspension and a place as a Heisman candidate.

The NCAA seems to be more concerned with their relationship with the NFL and their image than actually treating these young men, their teams, their coaches, and their fans with respect and fairness. I could care less what happens with Cam Newton as long as there is justice saturated in the outcome. At this point and time, I watch news reports update every two hours and the NCAA has yet to make a statement. Take your time, please, and meditate fully on how you will handle a young man's future, and make a stand on whether you'll place the crime of accepting money to play above the safety of others. In the meantime, war eagle.

Flashlight Discoveries #2

Once again, lyrics are giving light, shining into the dark places. So here we go:

The emotion it was electric
And the stars, they all aligned
I knew I had to make my decision
But I never made the time
No, I never made the time

In the dark, for a while now
I can't stay, so far
I can't stay much longer
Riding my decision home
-“I Can’t Stay” by the Killers


And you're back out on the street.
And you're tryin' to remember.
How will you start it over?
You don't know what became.
You don't care much for a stranger's touch,
But you can't hold your man.

You never thought you'd be alone this far down the line
And I know what's been on your mind
You're afraid it's all been wasted time

Oh, another love has come and gone
Oh, and the years keep rushing on
I remember what you told me before you went out on your own:
"Sometimes to keep it together, we got to leave it alone."
So you can get on with your search, baby, and I can get on with mine
And maybe someday we will find, that it wasn't really wasted time
-“Wasted Time” by the Eagles


At last I can see life has been patiently waiting for me
And I know there's no guarantees, but I'm not alone
There comes a time in everyone's life
When all you can see are the years passing by
And I have made up my mind that those days are gone
-“I’m Moving On” by Rascal Flatts


I lost a piece of me in you
I think I left it in your arms
I forget the reasons I got scared
But remember that I cared quite a lot

You see but lately I've been on my own
Yeah one, but one by choice
You see, that's a first for me
There's only me, yeah there’s only me
And now I realize for once
It's just me
It's just me
It's just me
And I'll find a way to make it
There's no one left to stop me
Here I go
Can we take it from the top?
-“It’s Just Me” by Blue October


Though I know I'll never ever lose affection
For people and things that went before,
I know I'll often stop and think of them
But in my life I loved you more
I love you more
I love you more
-“In My Life” by the Beatles



In the peace of my shambled apartment, I find that I am making the right decision. The boxes around me, the memories, the finality of it all is crippling and fear-inducing. The new day is here, and I am blind to what it has for me. But it is a new day, and new days care not for should’s, could’s, would’s, what if’s. Days before new days are for crying, for allowing myself to bask in the memories and remember why in those new days, I chose to make those memories. And I did choose them; I chose to embrace those days and to move forward into Life. I choose now this new path, and I am grateful for the choice. Choice is such a blessing in the time of my life when new days have been forced upon me; but this one is mine, this choice is all mine. I can’t live between the old new days and the new days ahead; they wouldn’t be new if I clung to the old. Now it is time for another new day, no greater or more magical than the old ones, still offering the same canvas opportunities, a new canvas the same as last time. I bought this canvas, I made this purchase for a new day. No receipt, no exchange, no hesitation, no dried paint, just a brush in the hand of a girl who made a choice. This is my new day.