There are times in my life when I get tired of fussing about things and I simply suck it up and do it. When I arrived at my internship sit last Tuesday, I decided I was done feeling unproductive and scared of doing the wrong thing; I got frustrated enough to just say, "Screw it, I'm at least going to try." I did a few things wrong, but I did it anyway. When I knew my last relationship was ending, I fought against it, fought against him, fought against myself to hold onto something out of fear of the unknown. I was a struggling dam against a natural river's course, and the change it would be. My only success was in flooding my own life with fear and unhappiness. Long after many, often times smarter, people would have given in, I finally gave way and let the river run its course. I was taken aback at how easy it was to let the river run over me and carry me to a new place. I have now wanted his bed out of my bedroom for two months. I have even made plans for someone to help me move it, but have found other things to do instead of dealing with it. Today the dam burst again, and I could wait no longer to have it out; I wouldn't even hold off and have someone else to help me move it. It took me twice as long to do it myself, but every time I would reach a point where I was afraid that I couldn't accomplish the task alone, a surge of anger and resoluteness would wash over me and I pushed harder. I am currently fighting off an allergy attack because of it and my healing shoulder and arm muscles throb at me, but my bed is in my room now. It is just another way I know that the flooded plain is behind me, and I am traveling onward to new places.
Down the river we go- down, down, we go.
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